The Newborn Identity

Hey kids,

I did a guest post over at Merlot Mom’s site today. Heather did one too (it’s below mine). Heh. Below mine. Heh. There’s a joke there but Maddie may read this one day so….here’s the link!

Here’s the thing, ladies. I really like you. For real. Cross my heart and pinky swear. (Note to self: I should really stop pinky swearing.) In fact, I think we’ve all become pretty good friends here so much so that I almost feel like one of the girls. Um, just to clarify, I don’t actually feel like a girl. I mean that I feel like one figuratively. You know what? Scratch the whole “Mike feels like a girl” thing. 

Ahem. Moving on.

I like the guys who drop by here too, by the way. So much so that I almost feel like one of the guys. Wait a minute. That came out wrong. I AM one of the guys. I wasn’t trying to imply that I’m not a man. 

Crap, this post is off to a very awkward beginning, but I am way too tired to start over so let me just cut to the chase, ladies. Today’s post may offend some of you. Here’s why:

I don’t get you.

I know, I know. Guys always say that. But this new confusion stems from something a lot weirder than the fact you like to shop too much or ask us if your butt looks fat in your jeans even though you already know it does and you’re just hoping we will say yes so you can yell at somebody over the fact your butt looks big.

The reason I don’t get you is because of what you watch on daytime television. 

Now before we get too far into this I need to make a disclaimer: I know you ALL don’t watch this stuff, but it ain’t aimed at dudes. It’s aimed at ladies - and SOME of you must be watching or it wouldn’t be on the air.

So here’s the thing. I need some things explained. I pray you can help because this stay at home Dad is very confused. 

THING CONFUSING TO A DUDE #1: THE LAST HOUR OF THE TODAY SHOW

What exactly do you enjoy about Kathy Lee Gifford and that chick named Yoda or whatever sitting around yammering? And why does every episode need to spend fifteen minutes discussing how some formerly fat lady lost weight?

THING CONFUSING TO A DUDE #2: THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW

It’s about a boring woman who won’t stop talking about making crafts, gardening, and cooking. FOR AN HOUR!!! EVERY DAY!!! How much do you need to know about making crafts? Fo’ real, ladies.

THING CONFUSING TO A DUDE #3: THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

 I should start by saying that I actually like this show, but for the love of all that is holy will someone please explain to me what is happening during the first five minutes when Ellen and about five hundred ladies start freaking each other? I mean if I was at The Tonight show and all of a sudden Jay started shaking it to “Love Shack” I would be weirded out. ESPECIALLY if he got right up next to me and shook his butt in my face. Every day I stare with an open mouth at this weirdness until it mercifully ends.

Please, please, please, ladies. Explain this stuff to me. If you do I promise I will totally help you understand Cops, Married With Children, and NASCAR.  

“Bein’ a dad can make you feel sad
Like you’re the insignificant other
Yeah right from the start
They break your heart
In the end every kid wants his mother”

- from “Being A Dad” by Loudon Wainwright

Here’s a sad truth Dads may not want to admit…Moms have a connection with their babies that we never will. Dads so often are on the outside looking in; disconnected from the whole experience of being a parent. We spend the first nine months of our children’s existance watching our wives literally grow this child inside of them. What an amazing experience that must be! All Dads can do, however, is rub our wife’s belly or run out to buy a jar of pickles.

Then…after nine long months…Dads finally get to be with their little one. Unfortunately, for most Dads they have to go back to work far too soon and never get a chance to bond with their children like their wives do. Before long these Dads slump home at the end of a long work day to find their baby in their wife’s arms, and it is clear - a Dad will never rival the connection a mother has with her child.

Even in my situation - as a stay at home Dad - I see the magical bond that Maddie and Heather have and wonder if Maddie and I will ever relate the same way. Perhaps some kind of connection is forged those first nine months between a mother and child that we Dads will always be chasing; always trying to make up for.

I bring all this up because this weekend Heather went out of town to a bachelorette party and left me to care for Maddie. While I, of course, take care of Madde by myself during the day, taking care of her at night alone was another story. I was a little nervous about this even if I didn’t let on to Heather that I was.

The night started simply enough…I fed Maddie, administered her breathing treatments, taped on her nasal canula, then put her down and turned on her oxygen. A few hours later she started crying and I got up and fed her. So far nothing all that different except for the fact Heather wasn’t here.

A couple hours after that Maddie once again started crying (when again do babies start sleeping through the night?) so I fed her some more. At this point it was almost six in the morning, so, instead of putting her back in her crib I took her into our bedroom. It was weird to be alone with Maddie - well, Rigby was there too - but without Heather it felt very strange. That is until Maddie rolled over and cuddled up against me. She looked up at me, gave me a little smile, then closed her eyes and went to sleep. It was a great moment between just the two of us. As she started to snore ever so slightly I thought that, while I may never know what is like to grow a baby inside of me or to connect with a child the way a mother does, there most definetely is an awesome bond between a father and his child. And you know what? I will take whatever kind of relationship I can get just as long as I get to see this little face: